Cross Cultural Voices
Navigating Cultural Contrasts in Relationships
Where East Meets West: Love, Identity & Belonging
Cross Cultural Voices
Navigating Cultural Contrasts in Relationships
Where East Meets West: Love, Identity & Belonging
Selected Stories → Essays & Reflections
What compels us to say "yes"? In individualist cultures, motivation is personal—driven by self-interest and passion. In collectivist cultures, it is shaped by duty, social harmony, and shared obligations. But when these opposing mindsets meet, misunderstandings arise. A reflection on how motivation is framed—and often lost in translation—between East and West.
By Kate Xie | Published on: March 7, 2025
One day at work, Cedric called me and asked, “Can you take care of the kids next Friday night? I want to show my board game to some friends. Only if you want to, okay?”
“Yeah, sure.” Of course, I said yes. Even if I had an appointment, I would have rescheduled—knowing how much board games mattered to him.
Now, understanding his cognitive patterns a bit better, I thought I should add some explicit explanations to improve our communication.
“You know, in the future, you don’t have to say ‘only if you want to’—that doesn’t motivate me. I’d do it because I know it would make you happy. If you really want me to say yes, just say, ‘If you can, it would really help me.’”
I wanted to make it clear: we were driven by very different emotions and motivations. He was an individualist, guided by self-will. I was a collectivist, motivated by group-will. Knowing that I was supporting a member of my in-group motivated me more than fulfilling a personal interest.
“Sure! Sure!” Cedric confirmed without further remark or reflection. I doubted whether my words had truly registered.
I hung up and turned back to my work laptop. A notification popped up—again, for the second time this week—reminding me to complete the Annual Code of Conduct Training. Annoyed, but also mildly amused, I thought back to the motivation speech I had received from my line manager the other day:
“Go do it, Kate. You’d be surprised—it’s actually quite fun!”
Her way of motivating me was to spark personal interest. Unfortunately, that approach didn’t work on me. Unlike my colleagues, I came from a collectivist society, where motivation came from a different place.
When it was my turn to motivate my team in the global south, I took the opposite approach:
“Go do it. Otherwise, the whole department’s compliance score will be dragged down. By you.”
I had a feeling my version was more effective in that context.
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