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Two Weeks is Too Soon
Two Weeks is Too Soon
How Dutch Scheduling Clashes with Cross-Cultural Expectations
How Dutch Scheduling Clashes with Cross-Cultural Expectations
Time isn’t just about clocks—it’s about culture. In some societies, spontaneity and emotional responsiveness define relationships. In others, rigid scheduling governs social interactions. When an urgent family need collides with Dutch planning culture, the clash between spontaneity and structure becomes painfully clear. A reflection on expectations, cultural priorities, and what it truly means to be present for others.
By Kate Xie | Published on: March 7, 2025
A Simple Request Denied
A Simple Request Denied
We walked into Cedric’s mother’s living room with a mission: to convince her to step in for me so I could go back to China. It was for my uncle, who had been in the ICU for weeks. And also for myself—I had been on medication for weeks with no improvement.
“Mom, can you do next Tuesday from 15:00 to 17:30, and the Tuesday after?” Cedric asked as he approached her. “Kate wants to go back to China to get a proper check-up at the hospital.”
His mother looked up, scanned his face, then mine, and went back to cutting. After a pause, she said, “No, I cannot.” No explanation. No elaboration.
I had braced myself for this possibility, but my heart still sank.
“Are your appointments on those days not movable?” Unlike me, Cedric pursued it without frustration or anger.
“No. They cannot be moved.” She remained unfazed, continuing her cutting.
“Okay. We’ll figure something out.” Cedric turned to face me, unaffected by my clearly upset, frowning expression.
The Concept of ‘Too Soon’
The Concept of ‘Too Soon’
When we walked out, I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“If it were my parents, they’d cancel their own surgery to let you fly back to the Netherlands if it was about your health or your uncle dying!”
“It’s too soon for her. She already has plans. Her schedule is full.” He stayed neutral and measured as always, in sharp contrast to my emotional outburst.
“Two weeks is too soon?!” I was practically shouting.
“It’s not too soon for you. It’s too soon for her.”
I knew he was right. I knew that for her—and for Dutch people in general—two weeks was too soon for anything. Attend Marine’s birthday party? Help me move the wooden chest upstairs? Pick me up from the airport? Anything, anything—two weeks was too soon.
A Culture of Planning vs. Spontaneity
A Culture of Planning vs. Spontaneity
I remember the initial shock when we first started dating. I had asked Cedric if I could come over later in the day, and he had simply said, “No, you cannot. I planned to stay in and be with myself today. I wasn’t expecting you.” Or, “No, you cannot. I’m with other people, and we didn’t plan for you to come in the first place.”
It took me a while to recover from all those early encounters with Dutch planning culture.
Even now, I still stifle a laugh when I hear Cedric’s sister say, “Oh, we haven’t seen each other in so long! Can we meet up for coffee?”—and then immediately suggest a date three months from now.
One way to frame the planning culture is to call it organized and orderly. Another way is to recognize that this lack of spontaneity is a decisive act of stepping away from other people’s needs. Whether it’s the need to socialize—or, in my case, the need for help and support.
The Emotional and Social Impact of Scheduling
The Emotional and Social Impact of Scheduling
A Dutch friend once told me how awkward she felt turning away foreign friends who showed up at her door unannounced. She knew this was normal in non-Western cultures, which made her feel guilty. Just as my Indian neighbor once told me, “Please drop by anytime you want. You don’t need an appointment,” as a gesture of hospitality.
My Western colleagues always get annoyed when they receive a meeting invite scheduled on the same day. I, on the other hand, go into such meetings with enthusiasm, knowing that this last-minute request is solving an actual, immediate need of someone.
If we can’t meet the needs of others—at the time, in the way they need—then what’s the point of having a relationship at all?
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